In the US, we are taught from a really young age that our value as humans is tied directly to our production as well, and often caregivers really struggle with feeling like failures because they did not achieve production and perfection. The failure is that you set yourself up that way. The success is when you don’t.
Author Archives: The Dementia Diva
Caregiving, the Patriarchy, and Weaponized Advice
“You have to make time for self care.” How many times are we commanded this from caregiver resource pages, physicians, or well-meaning friends who have never done the work? Sometimes the followup is explicit: ”or you wont be able to care for X”. Sometimes it dangles in the air like a deviled egg fart- itContinue reading “Caregiving, the Patriarchy, and Weaponized Advice”
Dementia and Dragons
My mom has always loved fantasy and science fiction. I grew up on the original series of Star Trek. At my aunt’s holiday parties, the kids were always plunked down into the study with Star Wars. She thought E.T. was the cutest thing ever, and bought me the original VHS tape. I was terrified, andContinue reading “Dementia and Dragons”
The Long Goodbye is Bullshit
Here’s why: It focuses on a perceived death (and the very real experience of ambiguous loss) and displacement of a person while they’re still very much alive. It completely skips the living time between diagnosis and death- arguably the most precious time a person has on this Earth.
The Dementia Gladiator in the Shower Arena
“Mom, you gotta get a shower.” “Why?” “Because hygiene, and you smell like you’re Oscar the Grouch’s roommate in the same can.” *Mom giggles* “No.” “Mom, it’s been almost a week. You gotta get a shower. We have to take care of our bodies.” “No. I’m fine.” Meanwhile, she practically has a cloud of stinkContinue reading “The Dementia Gladiator in the Shower Arena”
My Dementia Diva Villain Origin Story
Buckle in kids, because this isn’t going to be your typical two-scroll social media post. While I can’t promise it won’t take your time, I can promise that you’ll walk away understanding me a little better, and also having a new frame of reference for how caregivers come into caregiving. When I first starting caringContinue reading “My Dementia Diva Villain Origin Story”
The Pandemic Parallels Between Caregivers and Healthcare Workers
Any caregiver can tell you that many days are spent just trying to survive, and that the smallest things can create miniature disasters that totally wreck the day on a multitude of levels. Caregivers- or care partners, whichever term you prefer for yourself or a person who is providing care and support to a personContinue reading “The Pandemic Parallels Between Caregivers and Healthcare Workers”
Disaster and Dementia -or- Why I Started this Blog and then Stopped Writing for Six Months
Having one brain to serve two bodies requires much. It’s no wonder, really, that caregivers are always so tired- and why, even if I had somehow found the time, I couldn’t string coherent thoughts together.
“It’s Not Them, It’s the Disease”: Gaslighting in the Darkness of Dementia
Dementia drives enormous changes and enormous amounts of changes in the lives of individuals, families, and communities. These changes can be viewed through a variety of lenses. I tend to focus on trying to create more positive spaces and understanding of how dementia is a living disease and not a sentence for death row, but there areContinue reading ““It’s Not Them, It’s the Disease”: Gaslighting in the Darkness of Dementia”
The Lists Every Caregiver Should Make
If there is one thing that every caregiver has, it’s a list longer than their arm of things that need to be done. We are exhausted daily by this list, and it never seems to end. We drown in the list of all the things that must be completed, and everything feels like an emergency.Continue reading “The Lists Every Caregiver Should Make”
The Dementia Diva 